This has probably been written about more times than I'd care to count, but these are my feelings on the old adage. The other day I came upon this article. I agree with what the much of what the author is trying to convey. I believe it takes a village. It doesn't just take a village to raise a child, it takes a village to support the parent.
I home school my two older children. The elementary school they were going to was acceptable for my daughter, but it was not THE village for my son. When I decided to home school him my daughter let me know she would prefer to learn at home as well. I figured I would give it a shot, and I am very glad I did! (I could probably write a post on all that alone, who knows if I will or not.) We are part of a home schooling co-op. That is part of our village! If I have questions and concerns about curriculum, they are a safe place to ask questions, and an excellent resource for answers! The co-op is a great place for some peer interaction, not just for the kids but for me as well! It takes a village for things like that.
I can interact with my kids until I'm blue in the face, and they will learn to be well spoken, and hopefully great thinkers. I am not 11 or 7 though. I also want to give my children the opportunity to take instruction from people other than me! When they are grown there is a good chance they will be employed somewhere. I will not be their boss, I will not be able to, nor would I want to explain their quirks and how they work to a potential employer. I think it's important for them to experience many things now, while the consequences aren't as big as losing a job or going to jail. I'm okay with my kids experiencing discomfort and possibly some awkward interactions now so they know how to come to terms with their own feelings should those things happen in the future.
I don't have a problem with other people speaking to/guiding my kids (to an extent) if those other people find an issue with something my child is doing. It's funny that in over 11 years of parenting I haven't met too many people who take any real issue with those things. I say it's funny because surely there are several parents out in the world who feel that way! When I first became a mom we were part of a military community. I assume that definitely has something to do with it, for that time in my life at least. In a military community many people help look out for one another if/when a spouse is deployed, so why wouldn't we look out for and guide one another's children if we saw fit? (Probably another potential post... I'm trying not to go off on tangents here!) During my divorce I moved back to my home town. I was pregnant with my second child and my home town friends didn't have kids yet. I felt like I had little to no village... and for me, it takes a village.
It has ALWAYS taken a village in my life. My mom had me young. Her parents and four siblings were my village. My father's family, two parents and five boys, other than my father, were my village. My step-father's family, two parents and seven children were my village. When several of them had children, their children (my cousins) were my village! With dynamics like that it was quite normal to be guided/scolded/talked to by a family member who noticed if/when things were amiss.
Public schools seem to very much be on board with it taking a village. I was brought up in a public school. I loved being in first grade and having a sixth grade reading buddy. I enjoyed being a reading buddy to a first grader when I was in fourth grade. The elementary school I attended had a reading unit once a year for the intermediate grades to pick a book they wanted to read and we got to do the book study with whatever kids, grades 4-6, who had picked the same book as us. Home schooling co-ops do the same thing! It doesn't matter how old you are, or what grade(s) your in. Everybody participates! It takes a village!
This is how life after school age works. Your parents are not the (only) ones who tell you what to do, what you should be doing, what you shouldn't do. It would make sense to practice taking some outside instruction while one's parents are still there to guide them and to let them know the reasoning of what others say and how others interact. I don't think someone else saying something to my kids is them trying to parent my kids. Parenting entails so much more than a brief interaction. A brief interaction, however, can be an opportunity to teach my children SO much. I can teach them about different learning styles, different teaching styles, how to be thoughtful, courteous, compassionate. I can teach them it's OKAY to be themselves, even if there's no one else like them! I can teach them just because someone says something doesn't make it true. I can teach them that just because someone doesn't like something doesn't mean it's bad, but I can also teach them to sometimes consider why the person doesn't like whatever is going on, and perhaps save that behavior/game/conversation for another time, when said person is not around.
Our village is so many places and people! The library, church, YMCA, grocery store, bank, facebook, DS community, my ex's, and my ex's spouses all make up parts of our village. I am so grateful for them all!
